Chances are, you’ve heard or thought the following at one point or another:
“Aren’t sex and gender the same thing?”
“Just look in your pants, you’ll know what you are.”
“Non-binary doesn’t exist.”
“Why do people need to make things more complicated than they are?”
And you wouldn’t be alone, gender is confusing. If you’re feeling overwhelmed, don’t worry. While gender can seemingly be a clusterfuck, understanding the basics is fairly simple. You’ll be throwing out words like “non-binary” , “genderfluid” and yelling “SEX ISN’T A BINARY AND GENDER DOESN’T EXIST” in no time!
If you’re getting the hang of this and want to try out some other terms, check out my article on sexual and romantic orientation here.
But first, let’s start with this…
Sex refers to biological characteristics.
The world renowned penis.
The exquisitely beautiful vagina.
People often use these as benchmarks for determining your sex.
When you’re born, a doctor takes a look between your legs and makes a judgement of what sex you are. Pretty easy and straightforward, right?
….right?
If only.
Turns out, nothing in biology is ever easy or straightforward.
The biology of sex refers to sexual characteristics, which I’ll mention often. Here is what I mean when I say that-
Primary and secondary sexual characteristics are physical traits that make males and females look and behave differently from each other. Primary sexual characteristics are those that are present at birth, and are determined by chromosomes. Secondary sexual characteristics appear during puberty.
Sciencing.com
By definition, a binary consists of two groups with no overlap.
Think of a Venn diagram- there would be two very far apart circles, one for male and one for female. Inside those circles, you’d include various sexual characteristics like:
- penis or vagina
- XY or XX chromosomes
- breasts or flat chest
- uterus or testes
- etc. etc. etc.
This model does not work. Definitively, scientifically.
Why do I say this? Because-
We know intersex people exist, or people who have characteristics of both a male and a female or don’t have all the sexual characteristics of their assigned sex at birth. Therefore, a binary with no overlap makes no sense.
You might’ve heard about the existence of people with both sets of reproductive organs, a penis and a vagina. While an extreme example of intersex, it’s still the idea I’m getting at to introduce a *spectrum* within sex. Cue the confetti~
However, being intersex goes beyond what is between your legs. It encompasses all sexual characteristics that don’t strictly align with your sex assigned at birth.
And spoiler alert: A lot goes into determining your sexual characteristics.
The most prominent, biologically speaking, is usually our chromosomes.
You probably learned at some point in your life that XX = female and XY = male.
And for the most part, this is true. But like Down’s Syndrome (an extra copy of chromosome 21), variations can also exist in our sex chromosomes. And it isn’t all that rare. Here are two of the most well-known:
- Turner Syndrome1: X ; effects about 1 in every 2,000 “girls”. Most often diagnosed in early childhood.
- Klinefelter Syndrome2: XXY ; effects about 1 in every 660 “boys”. Most won’t know they have this condition until adulthood.
For comparison, Down’s Syndrome effects about 1 in every 700 babies.
Another statistic- there are one to two babies per 1,000 births who receive surgery to “normalize” genital appearance3.
Intersex is more common than you think.
Chromosomal disorders are just some of the more obvious examples, but even things like hormones and genetics play a large role in determining sexual characteristics. These can work together to make females have small breasts, but large ones in males. A more muscular frame in a female, but a more delicate one in a male. A female with more body hair than a male, etc. etc. etc… These are all examples of being intersex, or having sexual characteristics that don’t fully match the assigned sex at birth.
It’s like everyone is given a checklist when they’re born of all their sex criteria-
Your doctor checks off the first one for you, penis or vagina (or both). The rest is up to genetics, hormones, and you. But you won’t know any of the rest until you mature, and no one takes that into consideration. You already have your sex for pete’s sake!
So if in our mind, biologically, we see females as small, hairless, big breasted coochie havers- obviously not every female will fit into this category. The same idea can be applied to males. So like anything in science, diversity is prominent (and beautiful!). And why a spectrum is a more accurate model than a binary.
Without diversity, our gene pool would have very little to work with. Ever hear how you shouldn’t marry your cousin? Same principle. If everyone were the same, diseases would run rampant and human kind wouldn’t last very long. Diversity allows us to be a stronger and healthier species. So, we should celebrate it!
FUN FACT: the idea that there are only two sexes is not universal. In many cultures, the existence of multiple sexes or gender identities beyond male/female was accepted for ages.
BBC
- Two spirited people for Native Americans
- Muxe in Mexico
- Bakla in the Philippines
- Hijras in India
- Check out this map by PBS that shows dozens of examples
Okay, so that was a lot of talk and we’ve still not even breached the idea of gender.
“wait hold on, you said the idea of gender? That doesn’t make any sense” – you, probably.
The amazing thing about gender is that it is an idea, just like money or laws. It’s all a human made concept we decided to establish and follow as a whole. So how does that work?
“Gender is a binary”
So, we already know what a binary is. What is gender?
Gender is what comes to mind when you think of a man or a woman. It’s the ideals or concepts surrounding sex, the assumptions made, if you will. That if you have a penis, you’re a male (your sex assigned at birth), which means you’re a man (your gender identity), that you will act/dress in masculine ways (your gender expression), and find women attractive (your sexual orientation). Opposite also applies to women.
The ManTM – the alpha dog who likes rolling around in mud, whose favorite color is blue, is dominant, never cries, probably shoots guns, is the provider, and eats lots of meat.
The WomanTM– the delicate lass who loves dresses, the color pink, is emotional, submissive, cooks, takes care of the house, and of course is dying to be a mother.
These are all ideals that society lead us to believe based on the fact you (allegedly) have a penis or a vagina.
But we already learned that sex doesn’t neatly fit into two boxes, so naturally, neither does gender. We have tomboys, or girls who prefer getting dirty and acting tough. We also have boys who prefer playing with dolls and wearing dresses. Gender is all about how much you or someone else relates to the ways society told us to behave or feel. If you’re a man who cries, congratulations, you’re already breaking gender stereotypes! Keep up the good work.
Say you’re someone who doesn’t particularly relate to the ideas of being a man or a woman. Neither fully feels right, or maybe you fluctuate in-between. This actually isn’t too uncommon. Someone who doesn’t strictly identify with one end of the spectrum or the other is considered non-binary. This means they could identify with both, neither, or any variation in between. They are not strictly part of a singular group of ideals.
A transgender person is someone who identifies with a gender other than the one aligned with their sex assigned at birth. So, a transwoman is someone assigned male at birth (AMAB, their sex) and identifies as a woman (their gender).
Another example, people who are genderfluid are not fixed on the spectrum. They tend to fluctuate in their expression or identity, one day they could feel and present more masculine and the next more feminine. They are under the umbrella of non-binary, as they are not strictly a man or woman.
Another another example, I identity as non-binary. I still have some ties to womanhood and call myself a lesbian, but I do not strictly see myself as a woman. I don’t see myself as a man, just more of a genderless blob with some feminine roots.
Want more insight on the terminology? I explain them more with examples here.
The spectrum of sex AND gender.
I mean really, when you think about it, the idea that an entire population worldwide would neatly fit into two categories is a bit silly. We were all made to be different, have different ideas, express ourselves differently. There is no black and white way to be a human being. The only correct way is to live as authentically as yourself as you can (and, y’know, in a way that doesn’t harm other people).
While some of these ideals and boxes may feel comfortable for you, it’s not made to encompass everyone. We, as humans, are more complex than:
vagina = nurturing and submissive = lipstick and dresses = attracted to dudes
But the idea that we are supposed to fit all of these guidelines leads to actual danger and violence. People in the LGBTQ+ia community get punished with violence, economic instability, invisibility, isolation, and denial daily. But it doesn’t just limit us, it limits everyone. It tells boys that they can’t be emotional and that girls can’t have laborious jobs. Think of how much our society would benefit if it were acceptable for anyone to do any job they wanted, based on skill – not on gender expectations.
Everyone gains freedom when we ditch the rigid rules and recognize that everyone is different and that is okay.
Really at this point, trying to enforce gender rules makes the whole system more complicated than it really needs to be. Just let people live as they see fit, and let that be that.